50 Funny Facebook Status Ideas
94I have to admit it, to my eternal shame, I have actually sat in front of Facebook and spent a good five minutes trying to think of something funny to say..... and then failed miserably, so turned to google for assistance. I also know, through doing so, that some of my friends have done this too. At least it seems that thousands of other people also lack the creativity gene and to make up for my failings, I present to you the 50 funniest Facebook status / status's / statuses / stati....?!? All of these status updates are genuinely real, but for the benefit of this article, my subjects need to have a names, so lets call them Dave and Katie - just to place that little bit of extra emphasis on my complete lack of creativity. It's not really appropriate to give people's real names, but the 'Daves' were male, and the 'Katies' were female....... EDIT: When you have finished with this page, head over to the fresh and new sequel, 50 Funny Statuses For Facebook!
The Funny Status Updates......
Dave feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
Katie used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
Dave is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while...
Katie dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)
Dave says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Katie is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd
Dave is wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.
Katie is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Dave doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.
Katie ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dave is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Katie thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
Dave before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
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Funny Facebook Updates Continued.....
Dave Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
Katie "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."
Dave is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
Katie Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
Dave is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
Katie is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute
Dave just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
Katie would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook.
Dave believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
Katie ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Dave Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"
Katie is Loading ████████████ 99%
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Hilarious Facebook Updates by Darkside
The following 25 were contributed by fellow hubber Darkside via the comments box, to help take the page up to the promised big five-o, and they are great so have a giggle:-
Dave People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
Katie Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Dave I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
Katie It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
Dave How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.
Katie went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Dave Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.
Katie What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
Dave My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
Katie Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
Dave Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.
Katie got her test results back this morning and is shocked to find that she's been diagnosed with OCD. She's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.
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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates Continued....
Dave reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints.
Katie will one day get even... with all the people that have helped her.
Dave Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Katie People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Dave Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Katie Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
Dave I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Katie I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
Dave I've always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Katie TEIAM - problem solved
Dave never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.
Katie never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Dave Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
More Funny Facebook Updates!!
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Last night I was dreaming of me eating a popsicle and my brother was besides me and when I woke up.... OMG!!!!!
On A Scale of 1 To Osama Bin Ladin how good was my hidin spot?
it so funny to hear
take me drunk im home
We AlL aRe MaD lol
Is ninja mode a good excuse for not being seen in work
well hey were ok not really funny but kinda i posted one a my satus , on my wal thnx!!!!!
These could be used as twitter too
Plans to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
i sat on the TV.. and watched the couch. wow. Am real dope
Y'all Bitches i love
the awkward when you laugh and you shouldn't laugh :)
Most of these were really funny. Rather I copied some on my facebook wall :D
Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn't be able to read this.
the awkward moment when you go scuba diving, and see Adele rolling in the deep...
lmfao lmfao..........................................................................hehehheehehehh funny enough to cry
If I'd slap you im pretty sure thats called animal abuse . ! (:
Hahah . ! (:
there is so many ladies need to learn formulas, if u want to learn math i can help u out with formulas example i (1 2 1/2 6) with u ;)
hates it when people talk in the 3rd person.
Instead of LOL, try
LSIMHBIWFEFMTALOL
-Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.
i love girl friend
as confused as a blind lesbian in a ftuna factory :)
Kid: Mom!
Mom:What?!
Kid:nevermind ur in a bad mood
Damn some kwl jokes
i want a gay brother ? why....because he can take me shopping !
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces,
Asentencewithoutspaces.
Love is love, and its gonna stay that way forever.
LOVE ALL OF THEM !!!
hi how are you?
The only people who appreciate change are wet babies.
I see your face, and it gives me this feeling in my stomach, and I just feel, sooo SICK, -_-
Last Night I had a Dream I was eating a giant marshmellow, when I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone
I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
Matt I'm sorry I can't love you...
I love Lauren Werth so much I would do anything to be with her and she's the best thing thats ever happened to me and all I want to do is be with her!!!!!
that awkward moment ur mom has the same wrapping paper as santa...
lol lmao baby
this is so funny
is getting annoyed because they is no more bubbles in the bubble wrap!!
lolololololol
I believe in karma, which means I can treat people like shit all day long and I just assume they deserve it!
Zombie subway: Eat flesh
very very funny,, i really like,,,,ha ha ha ha
A guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary schools pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water. is that wrong?
'Are you from Africa? Cos' African love you ;-)'
'the re is som eth ing wro ng wit h m y spa ceba r : ( .'
If drama was vodka, our school would be waster
no shit!!!! u guys are upmost,kudos!!
I WAS BORN NAKED AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Describe the last poop you had using only movie titles
Haha lol
Thanks very much 4 ur great efforts &keep it up :D
i have a graet status ( dear math, grow up and solve ur own problems )
every one says alchol is harm ful for us
so lets finish it
fren u drink 1 bottel
1 will drink 1 bottel
becoz i cant c other dying so lets finish it
I love to kiss you but thinking who will start first :-B
one day when a kid was walking home a van pulled beside him and said ill give you 50p if you get in my van, the kid said make it a £10 and you have got a deal. so the man said im not made of money!!!! and rode away :-)
Im going on a cheese diet, just to cheddar few pounds
ll lol lol lol lol lol hehhehehehehehehe
just posted a status update
lol really funny
These are ok, but my favourite is the handstand one.
By the way I live at 44 MOORLANDS DRIVE, STAINBURN, WORKINGTON, CUMBRIA, (ITS IN THE U.K.)Please come i'll be waiting for you...
lol it is really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Osama Bin Laden 2001-2011 Hide And Seek Champion
Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair
i really love these funny status they all made me cry so much ,
says I seen a New Cartoon on MTV, The opening line was a kid telling his mom she smelt like Balls and Old Spice. Epic moment!
I Luv It
in the Center Write narcissm
?"I wasn`t that drunk." -__- Dude you hug my grandpa screaming "Dumbledore you`re alive".
haha these are some funny things lolz and weird my is up there lolz
Zebras are just living, breathing pricetags...
i like
Keep posting:-)
ur only gay if women doesnt push back
im black :P
knock knock,
who's there
dawane
dawane who?
dawane the bathtub im about to drown.
The human brain is amazing....... It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams
Ur mom.... Now that's what's funny!!! LOL
Boy: Make a C with your right hand .
Girl: okay .*makes a C.*
Boy: *smiles and makes c with his left hand, placing it near hers.*
Girl: A heart?
Boy: no . my stomach. and its empty, make me a sandwich.
wow i enjoyed going 2ru ur jokes & some were some though,gud work
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
Lol made me literally laygh out loud!!!!
Hey Katherine (idiot),
He spelled patronizing with an S because he's British. Dumb ass.
Duzzyhell 11 days ago
haha really funny glad some people are so imaginative