25 Funny Quotes About Life

1. "Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still." - Lou Erickso

2. "Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep." - Carl Sandburg

3. "Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination." - Christopher Isherwood

4. "Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty." - Djuna Barnes

5. "Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?" - Bob Monkhouse

6. "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." - Woody Allen

7. "Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast." - Douglas Adams

8. "Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man." - William Shakespeare

9. "Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing." - Proverb

10. "Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." - R. D.Laing

11. "I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it." - Charles Schulz

12. "My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can." - Cary Grant

13. "Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." - Fran Lebowitz

14. "I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." - Jack Handy

15. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

16. "Life is just one damned thing after another." - Erbert Hubbard

17."Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." - Woody Allen

18. "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." - Oscar Wilde

19. "Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key." - Alan Bennett

20. "Now there is one outstandingly important fact regarding Spaceship Earth, and that is that no instruction book came with it." - Buckminster Fuller

21. "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster." - Isaac Asimov

22. "Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it." - Tom Lehrer

23. "Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on." - Samuel Butler 

24. "My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other." - Josh Billings

25. "The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time." - John Barrymore